Tuesday, January 11, 2011

The Winter Blunder Land

My neck of the woods has been shut down since Monday morning. Just as Southerners do, we see three flakes and loose our minds. People flock to the stores to buy up all of the bread, milk, and eggs (two of which will go bad as soon as the power goes out) and then lock themselves inside of their compounds. Well dammit, not me! I have to work!

Yesterday morning I got up at 5 am, as usual, made my obligatory cup of coffee (decaf) and a bowl of Cream-of-Wheat. I packed my lunch and headed out the door and immediately regretted my decision. 7 inches of snow, snow still falling, -8° C, and my work vehicle has no visible doors. No problem, I am a trooper, a man's man!

I broke my door open, kicked the snow off of my shoes, and started driving... at 5 KPH (yes, I know the US uses degrees Fahrenheit and MPH, but I feel better being in line with the rest of the world). I made it 5 K from my house before i spun around in the road several times. After making it through that patch, I made it another 5K before sliding into a ditch. Luckily, a good Samaritan pulled me out and got me back on the road... to my house. Work canceled.

I tell this story to illustrate a few things. First, Southerners don't know how to drive in the snow because we never get snow. So all of you Yankees out there who bitch and moan about the city shutting down because of a few inches, there is I-77 and I-85 that head north. Pack up your shit and go home.

Second, the cities here are out of money. The reason that the means roads where not clear is because there wasn't enough cash to have them going as soon as the powdery stuff started falling. So we ended up with the main roads being nothing but a sheet of ice and me in a ditch. But guess who just got a huge tax cut? I don't think it needs to be said. Thank you, austerity measures.

Third, because my work closed for the day, I did not work. Normally, that wouldn't be a bad thing. However I am not a salaried worker, so due to no fault of my own, I missed a day of work with no pay. Today isn't looking any better, and to be quite honest, I am not exactly rolling in the dough. Like many in the US, I live paycheck-to-paycheck with very little savings. The company I work for is the third-largest privately owned company in the US. Way to take care of your workers, guys.

Well, hopefully I will have something to do today. I can't really afford another day off. However, it's 10am and no one has called yet. I guess masturbation is always an option.


  1. Let's face it you don't really want me to go home.

    Labels: fuck yankees) No fuck you good sir! You are just mad that if I had to drive to work, I could do it without ending up in a ditch. We won the war, we know how to handle snow, and on average our penis' are bigger too.

    Long live The North!

    *Obligatory comment about the snow and ice here in Charlotte calling all the natives silly.*

  2. I got lucky, I was off Monday and Tuesday. Andrew on the other hand couldn't go to work but had his work laptop so he could get a few things done, but not much at all compared to what he'd normally do.